Ramblings | It’s only February.

I’ve been having a lot of conversations lately about being a senior, and what this final semester means and feels like. I’m in my last semester of college– by this May, I will have my Bachelor’s Degree in Bible and Pre-Counseling. I will graduate from the “16th grade”, and there is no “next semester.” I have been in school since Fall of 2000. I was six years old. Countless classes taken, lectures noted, books read, papers written, presentations given, and lessons learned- and it’s all going to come to an end as I sigh in relief and gratitude. I am getting married 42 days after graduation. I am moving back to the state I’ve called home my whole life, moving away from a city and school I’ve called home for the last four years. Graduation, a 1,000 mile move, and marriage all in the span of 42 days.

This is a big deal. But it’s only February.

Here’s the big question: How do I live in the tension  between enjoying this season and anticipating and preparing for the next?

Two options present themselves here: 1) fully live into this season, not thinking or worrying or anticipating the next. The mantra for this option? “Be present.” And, 2) fully live into senioritis, daydream through my final classes and homework, through my goodbyes, through all the lasts.The mantra for this option is a little less catchy, “soon you’ll be living real life, just get through these few months and try not to be too grumpy.” These aren’t very good options. So I learned, through prayer, good advice, and gracious friends who allow me to verbally process…

This season is BOTH a season of being present AND preparation and anticipation for what is to come. There are wonderful things to come AND wonderful things left to enjoy here. This may seem like a simple truth, and I would’ve believed it factually, but until I was living it, feeling it, and hearing it from the Lord, I didn’t fully accept it as truth.

The mantra I mentioned earlier, “be present”, is not unhealthy in and of itself, that’s not what I’m saying at all. The change I would like to make to this phrase, as it pertains to me right now, is to be present in a season of transition, not just being present here, at Moody, as a senior, as an RA, while I’m wedding planning, and with my friends. I need to hold this truth, that it is a season of transition, alongside that mantra.

So what does this look like? It means leaning into things that don’t excite me anymore, and enjoying them more than I thought. It means getting excited to be married, or staying up late looking at apartments in NH. It means checking things off my Chicago bucket list, and savoring sweet moments with my friends. It’s both/and. It’s living in tension. It’s asking for peace. It’s living in thankfulness.

It’s only February.